The halwa ceremony, over.There is always something new to learn from Narendra Modi, our witty Prime Minister. Now look at what has happened! First, the Budget tanked. And I so wish Dr Manmohan Singh had been less gracious and not agreed to participate in what was nothing more than a convenient photo-op. Let’s make it a routine function of the government in power. It was nothing but an empty, meaningless gesture. The halwa fully digested. Indira Gandhi had done it earlier, but that doesn’t count, I suppose, since she was the Prime Minister holding the finance portfolio. Hope and dope go well together. Satyanaash!Personally, I found it a bit silly to keep harping on Ms Sitharaman’s gender while going nuts over a "full-time woman finance minister" presenting the Budget.
And overall depression. Just slap us hard, a la Kabir Singh, and let us deal with the stinging pain." She went on to paint a realistic, if grim scenario of market sentiments. And it’s really cool to advise India Inc. But first tell us what you propose to do with about 70 per cent of India — which remains stuck in the cesspool of perpetual deprivation — with very little hope in sight? The image of those Wholesale color ribbon two young girls hanging from a tree in Badaun was intended to remind the families of the victims (and the rest of the village) — the sinister meaning of "auquat" — lest anybody get the false idea that the fate of being born into a certain caste can ever be left behind. Regardless of what Article 15 of the Indian Constitution guarantees each and every citizen. Pessimists for hire? Folks, it’s a whole new opportunity, in a market that is seriously suffering from job deprivation. By then, it was a done deal, anyway. Great! Fantastic and all that. The issue of caste — India’s biggest shame — is dealt with in a manner so upfront and brutal, it shakes you to the core. Tremendous innings were expected, given the build-up and hype. Showing his impatience and irritation with anybody who dared to question the salient features of the red cloth covered tome ("bahi-khatta" — not the standard, no-nonsense, leather briefcase), that took the minister sahiba two hours and 17 minutes to deliver (without a sip of water in between, it was noted), the Prime Minister came up with a scathing putdown for non-believers — he dubbed the lot — "professional pessimists". An afternoon Budget was better suited to the imperial bosses sitting in London.
That one awful word "auquat" is chillingly tabled. The red cloth was sealed. A curse which claims countless lives. Life often imitates movies —who knows? We may get used to being abused and come back for more abuse, like Kabir Singh’s girlfriend in the film. It is the wretchedness of these very lives that the Budget 2019-2020 was supposed to address. As a financial wiz told me with a sad shake of her head, "The Sensex was smoking dope for a while… but after this Budget, it’s going to require even more dope to keep it buoyant. Lives nobody gives a damn about, because they don’t really count. Amateurs will do!. Just give us the basics and leave us to digest the worst. Like a lot of other antiquated Brit traditions, this too needed to be discarded.In any case, it’s time to rethink the theatrics surrounding the Budget presentation. Maybe it was also made by a professional pessimist — I wouldn’t know. The horrific fallout of a gang rape sees a police chowki polarised and eventually defeated by the politics of caste. Yes sir. Even today. Since he didn’t quite expand on the insult, it left people a little bewildered. The Badaun rape case is a take-off point to raise multiple questions about our deeply entrenched prejudices. But Anubhav Sinha boldly goes where few have dared to. We need more pessimists to hold up a mirror to these inequalities and atrocities. Tax the super rich some more, by all means. Glad Mr Modi took the initiative and finally chucked the practice overboard. What’s the big deal? And please, all those gimmicks and that drama of the Prime Minister driving to a former Prime Minister’s residence to seek his blessings, present a bouquet, etc. to "Wake up the animal instinct…" whatever that implies, madam finance minister. They needn’t be professionals. We really don’t need couplets and poetry in Hindi, Urdu, Sanskrit and Tamil to break the bad news to us. Quoting saints and bards does not deflect from tough realities like diesel and petrol prices going up.
The numbers are there for all to analyse. Exactly like our cricket team’s chances at the World Cup.Talking of cinema, I wonder if Mr Modi and his Cabinet colleagues have watched the hard-hitting Article 15? If not, a special screening is highly recommended. The old timing (5 pm) is a relic of the Raj. One good thing about this year’s ceremony was the timing (11 am — something Yashwant Sinha had sensibly introduced). Like his dismissal of critics who didn’t go gaga over Nirmala Sitharaman’s marathon but essentially lacklustre Budget, which was eloquently described as "timid" by a financial heavyweight. By "professional", did he mean they got paid to be pessimists? Do we have a new job description here? Was displaying pessimism their full-time occupation? Can it be described as an honest-to-goodness naukri? Who gives them their salaries? How much do they earn? What is the going rate for professional pessimists? Are there a few who express pessimism for free? Some who treat pessimism as a side business? Or a social service? Where does one apply for the post?
Without knowing it, our dynamic and far-sighted Prime Minister did indeed unleash a national debate on the subject. Perhaps his government will also reformat the entire Budget tamasha and make it more relevant to citizens. But it is not as if Ms Sitharaman created the Budget in isolation, cracking numbers in a closed room, all by her lonesome self. I watched it a day after the Budget session, when I was already pretty upset, and staring at my credit card forlornly, wondering whether or not to order popcorn, when boom! I got drawn into a story that hit me in the gut. That’s when one realises that the curse of caste remains unsolvable even today in the 21st century. Pre-Budget, adventurous investors had banked heavily on good stuff happening. And next, our team crashed out.
